The best advice I have gotten in quite a while!!!

The boys fight, argue, and bicker with each other everyday. There is hardly ever a day that goes by that they don't have words with each other and sometimes this leads to physical altercations between them. I have tried many things (punishments) over the years to stop this constant turmoil. Now, I know that this is supposed to be somewhat normal..  it is in their nature to fight...  boys will be boys ... there are lots of little cliche`s to explain it all away.  BUT  ...  It drives the Mom (me) CRAZY!!!!

They spent the night with some of their home schooling friends a few nights ago. Rich and I went to pick them up the next day and we sat down and chatted a while with the parents. We were discussing our kids, and how they argue over the silliest things. She told me what she does to stop the insanity of bickering brothers...  she makes them hug..  until they are friends again. I kinda chuckled a bit at this thought, but who am I to judge. Not to mention,  everything else I have tried hasn't worked...  not long term anyway. They stop for a moment, but always pick it back up within minutes.

I had the opportunity, the very next day (I knew it wouldn't take long), to try out this new little trick. Austin had gotten sunburned while at his friends' house. Andrew called him pink boy and Austin slugged Andrew in the face. I was witness to it all. So, I made them stand in the living room and hug each other for a while. They WERE NOT happy about it, but it was this or a spanking...  so they hugged. It didn't take long for them to start giggling with each other. It is hard to stay mad when you are laughing.  They were angels the rest of the day.

Today they started up again,  just arguing this time though. All I had to say was, "seems like you guys could use a hug today". They stopped arguing immediately and have been getting along since.

Thank You, Tammy for your wonderful words of wisdom and a new way of stopping the insanity in my house. It worked like a charm!  I Love my Friends!!!

What's Going on Now....

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but better late than never.

We finally finished school a few weeks ago (for the most part anyway). We got a bit behind due to the two surgeries that Austin had this year, as well as, the surgery my husband had to have this year. All I have left to do is 'test' them, but as long as I do it before August..  we are good! I have been in the process of trying to get their curriculum in order for next year. I have been lucky, and have found some things that I am really excited about (and so are the boys). I really have my work cut out for me next year because I actually have to do lesson plans for the first time. The two previous years we were using K12 curriculum through Georgia Cyber Academy and they had everything all laid out for you already. All I had to do was look at our schedule each day and have them do what it said on the screen. This year, I won't have that luxury, I will have to plan everything out myself. However, I believe that we will have a much better curriculum this year than we had with K12. Now, don't get me wrong..  we really LOVED K12 the first year we used it...  but GCA changed a lot of things last year (our 2nd year) and it was much more difficult for me to teach and for them to follow. Especially when it came to Math. The Math was changed from actually having a book to work with...  to it being solely on the computer. AND the fact that they only taught one way of doing a particular concept, only added to the problem. I was constantly looking up different ways of doing things or teaching from my own experience/knowledge. I should also mention that there was absolutely NO review for Andrew's Math. My kids (most kids - I would be willing to bet) NEED a review every year over past concepts, BEFORE they are taught something new. Needless to say, GCA quickly became too frustrating for all of us!

The curriculum I have chosen for us for next year, as far as Math and Grammar go, is a constant review, everyday! We will be using Easy Grammar Curriculum. This, as I said, is a constant review. The boys will be reviewing past concepts for the first 10 minutes of everyday -- from punctuation and capitalization to parts of speech and sentence structure, etc. Then they learn the new concept and have practice pages to do with the new concept. Easy Grammar teaches with the prepositional approach. They will have to first memorize the prepositions, then they will be taught that once the prepositional phrase is crossed out -- it will not be the subject, verb, direct object, predicate nominative, or predicate adjective. The Math I have chosen (Saxon Math) is also a constant review everyday. This Math also helps to drill the basic facts (A, S, M, D) in their heads with quizzes at the beginning of every day on these basic facts. There are 100 problems on the page/quiz and they have 5 minutes to complete as much as they can - but, you only grade what they got right from 'what' they are able to get done in the 5 minutes. The goal is to have them compete with themselves and try to better their score each day by trying to 'out do' what they did the day before. Then they will have a page to do with all the past concepts (review), next they will learn a new concept and finally they have a page to do that is a mix of the new concept and past concepts along with one or two challenge problems (things they haven't learned yet). I am very hopeful that the curricula I have chosen for Math and Grammar will help them to be able to remember the concepts more easily.

For Science, I was lucky enough to find an actual 'school textbook & teacher manual' in a bookstore (that sells used/discounted books) in our town. It is McGraw-Hill Science. It is very informative with wonderful color pictures and illustrations throughout the book. It has lots of fun ways to teach/learn the information and also has fun experiments for the kids to do to help drive home the concepts being taught. The boys are excited that they will get to use a microscope and actually be able to look at a cell (among other things) in person, instead of just in a book. There are also Cross Curricula exercises in the book, that show the kids how science relates to other subjects that they are learning (Math, Reading, Grammar, History, etc.), as well as how it relates to life in the real world.

History...  this one has given me some problems. I have been looking for a history curriculum that is a good mix of religious history and world history. I have a good history (History of the World in Christian Perspective) here that I will probably end up using...  but it seems to be more religious than anything. I guess I just have to get it in my head that it is ok for this year and we still have plenty of years yet to learn about the wars, the presidents, American history and World history. Although, this history does touch on those things..  but it doesn't go into great detail about them from what I have seen.

I still haven't been able to find a Spelling or Vocabulary curriculum that I am completely happy with...  but I still have time to figure those out.

We have been spending lots of time with our Home School Group this summer. I am loving the new dynamic of our little group! We have a wonderful Activities Coordinator that has been jam up with planning field trips and other activities for us to do that are either free or cost very little. This has really helped us to be able to join in more activities. We are doing a book club with the kids right now...  and, of course, our wonderful Activities Coordinator, Tammy, is running this gem for our kids. They absolutely LOVE it and they LOVE her! The kids really seem to respond to her so well. They don't even really realize that they are learning, because she has planned such fun activities for them to do that makes it so entertaining! I hope she continues her role as our Activities Coordinator for a very long time! Our other coordinators are gems, too. They are wonderful, and really try to listen to the group as a whole as far as the direction our group is taking and will take. They really try to accommodate, as best they can, what the group as a whole would like to see, do and accomplish. We have been very lucky to find such amazing people/families to hang out with and learn with. Each one of them have really brought something special to the group and all of them combined have made this group something special and something to be proud of..  something that I am proud for myself and my kids to be a part of! Thanks for all the hard work you do ladies! I hope you all know how truly appreciated you all are to me and my family! Keep up the good work!

So, this is where we are at and what we are doing. I am learning a lot, along with my kids. Even a day at the park playing with Yo-yo's can be a wonderful learning experience if planned the right way!

My Feelings ...

Up to this point, I have given a lot of information about both of my children and the course of our lives together. I have talked about finding out about the challenges they face and the challenges I face in raising them. I have talked a bit about some funny moments with them and about the hardships we all faced in the public school system. I haven't talked much about my feelings in all of this...  with the discovery, the diagnoses, and 'other' things that have happened as a result. That is what this post is going to be about...

I have said it before, and I will say it again, and again, and again...  I would rather have children with differences and challenges, than no children at all. This journey hasn't been easy on me or our family in a lot of ways, but I would make it a thousand times again just for the privilege of being Andrew and Austin's Mom.

It is no secret to close friends and family, that I had a rough childhood and family life growing up. But, in spite of that, I try to look on all experiences as a learning experience. It's what helps to keep me sane. If I were to constantly dwell on the past and wonder "why?" certain situations happened to me, I would be a very depressed person and probably never want to leave my house. Therefore, I try to see everything and every experience as a chance to learn and grow. Now I am not saying that I never get upset about things or situations...  I most certainly do. I wouldn't be human if I didn't, but after the initial shock wears off... I try to learn something from it. The situation with my kids is no different.

Most people who find out that their child is going to have certain challenges describe it as ... like a death. They grieve for what they hoped for and wanted or expected in their child. They go through those types of emotions.... I guess I was the same to an extent. I did some grieving...  it upset me initially finding out that my kids had neurological disorders. Then ...  Yes, I got angry..  but not about my kids, necessarily, but at the school, for denying the help that they were supposed to provide. I was able to accept the diagnosis pretty quickly, I think... or maybe I just masked it with ---  trying to figure out everything I needed to do for them. As I said in a previous post, I kind of went into panic mode for a bit. I was constantly being told and reading that early intervention was the key to success in these types of issues. Andrew was already 5 years old when we got the diagnosis, so I didn't feel we had any time to waste. After we made the decision that I would quit work and I would take care of our family full time..  I was able to slow myself down a bit and relax and really start to do some good for Andrew and Austin.

I have said in previous posts that I know I don't always do things right my first time out, but babies don't come with a manual about how to raise them. I do what I feel is right in my heart at the time. If it works ...  GREAT!  If it doesn't work...  then I try something else. This is really ALL we can do as parents.

There is a poem, by Emily Perl Kingsley, Titled, Welcome to Holland, that has given me much inspiration over the years. But, I have to say that the way I see it..  it doesn't stop with Holland. You spend quite a while in Holland, but then are whisked off to ...  say Egypt. You will spend a while there and have to learn a whole new language and learn to find your way around a whole new 'land'; then be whisked off to another unknown 'land' and start the process all over again. What I mean by this is that, much like with typical children, they are ever changing. What worked yesterday, may not work tomorrow; so you will have to regroup and figure out a new strategy. When puberty hits...  OH MY GOSH...  EVERYTHING changes, again, much like with typical kids..  the difference comes with the fact that kids with Autism or other 'different abilities' don't always understand the changes that their bodies are going through. This is much the case with Andrew. We have to prepare him for even this.. natural thing, that is starting to happen to him. His thought process is basically, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it!' He tells me this in his own Andrew way...  "He likes the way he is now and doesn't want to change, or grow hair, or any of that other stuff! Hmmmppphh!"

While it can be quite funny at times..  it is also stressful..  how do you explain to a child that whether he likes it or not, these changes are coming, and you are just trying to help him so that he is prepared for it when they do occur. We do the best we can. Rich and I talk to him every so often..  give him little tid bits (to try and prepare him for these natural changes), and then leave the rest up to him. He has been pretty good, so far, about coming to us with questions.... that we do our best to answer to his satisfaction (without giving him too much information that we don't feel he is ready for); and still, sometimes, we are met with opposition. He continues to tell us that he is not going to 'grow up'. We just tell him that he doesn't have a choice... everyone 'grows up' eventually. I have to say, I love his innocence.

When you have a child, that is not 'typical'...  you find out who your true friends are. We have lost friends during this process...  but we have also gained some..  that we would never have met otherwise. I have found that people can be very narrow-minded ... I have found that if someone doesn't have a child or know someone (that is close to them) that has a child with different abilities...  these types of things scare them, because they just don't understand... and they don't want to most of the time. It is almost as if you are telling them that your child has some contagious disease. They just don't want to deal with it. These kids are not disease ridden ...  they just simply see the world differently than most, and if these people would take the time, they may just be surprised at how refreshing another's view of the world can be. But, I digress.

I guess what really hurts me the most is the family members that can't or won't be supportive. I get complaints of  "well, you just never bring them around us." But then when I do..  I get nothing but criticisms. They tell me things like... I am ruining my kids and that there is nothing actually wrong with my kids..  it is the way I am raising them that is causing the problems. To be quite honest, I don't have the time or the energy for this. The funny thing is...  I get most of the critical comments and judgments from those that don't even have children. It can hurt just the same, because I want these people to understand and be supportive, but again, I digress. If there is one thing I have learned...  it is that you can't change people or their opinions. What you can change is how much you let yourself be involved with or subjected to them and their comments/judgments. What they don't understand is that they are the one's who are missing out on the joys of being around someone that is so refreshingly different. But they are right about one thing..  there is nothing 'wrong' with my kids... they are perfect just the way they are! I wouldn't change them, even if I could!

They also don't understand that I am my own worst critic. There is nothing that they can say to me that I don't constantly go over in my head ... Every. Single. Minute of Every. Single. Day. I am constantly beating myself up about things like...  am I doing enough, am I doing too much, am I doing the wrong things, am I spoiling them too much, am I too strict on them... etc. As I said before, kids don't come with a manual of how to raise them ...  we all just have to do the best we can with what we have. I know I shouldn't let it upset me... what these people say or even think of me and my family... but there are still times when it does. We all want to be supported by those that are supposed to love us -- right?! The funny thing is ... is that when situations like this occur and I end up in tears over it...  my kids see this, and it just re-solidifies in their heads that the world is a mean and cruel place. This is not something that I want for my kids to hang onto...  I want them to be around people who are accepting of them and their differences, I want them to KNOW that even though there are mean/cruel people in the world...  we don't have to spend our time with them or waste our time worrying about what they say or think ... we should spend our time with those that love us and accept us for who we are, for this is where the true beauty of the world shines. I am at the point now, where I don't even want to be around certain people, because of their judgments and critical comments. I want/need people in my life and my kids' lives who are going to be supportive and helpful... help talk me down when I am beating myself up, give me helpful advice, and positive feedback, give me constructive criticism. I have some people like this in my life ...  my Mom-in-Law, my Mom, a few other family members, a few friends...  just to name a few.

As I said before...  home schooling has been a great blessing for myself, my kids and our family as a whole. And Yes, I probably mess up some with that as well, but I do the best I can... I want to make sure that my kids KNOW the information they are supposed to know and I am NOT going to push them through a concept just to keep up with what 'others' are learning at this age. If they don't KNOW and understand the easy stuff...  they are NEVER going to be able to grasp the harder stuff. We take our time on things that they are having a hard time understanding and zip through the things that they are understanding well. We LOVE our home school group. I LOVE the Mom's Night Out..  it gives me a needed break from the kids after being with them 24/7 every week. I have met some Great friends and so have my boys! And...  there are some that I would still like to get to know a lot better! I know I am a bit guarded...  but when you have family members that are so judgmental and critical of you and your family, it is hard to think that people you don't know well will be supportive. Although, so far, I have been pleasantly surprised, I must say!

Even though this journey hasn't been an easy one...  I will say that it has been a GREAT one, and I look forward to many more years to come...  with my kids, home schooling, and our new friends. I look forward to making more friendships and strengthening friendships that have only just begun.

More about Austin, Filling in the Blanks & Meds.

I never got to the part in my last post about how I shocked Austin ...  although, the day I "made" him stay in his room was one of those times. I guess a better phrase for that would be 'make an impression on him'...  you have to make Austin understand 'why' he can't do certain things or act a certain way, not just punish him for it. Austin still can push me to that point upon occasion, but he knows now that when I am that angry with him, and I send him to his room..  he needs to stay there until I have calmed down enough to talk with him. I no longer have to 'make' him stay there. That one time did the trick.

Austin must have been about 5 years old, I picked them both up from school that day, and had to make a trip to the grocery store for a few essentials. I had explained to both of the boys that were were only getting these few things (milk, bread, a few other things we needed) and NOTHING more. So we go in, I get what we need, and we head to the checkout. We were standing there waiting for the customer in front of us to get done, and the boys were looking at the candy sitting there beside the register. They both asked for some, I told them No and reminded them of our conversation we had before we entered the store. They both pouted a bit, but I finished checking out and we left the store. I put the boys in the truck first (as I always did) and then loaded the groceries in the back. It was about a 10 minute ride from the store to our house, and on the way I heard this smacking sound in the back. I pulled to the side of the road, and turned around to look in the back to investigate who the smacking sound was coming from ...  Austin's face was covered in chocolate. I knew that he didn't have candy when I picked him up from school. He had stolen a candy bar from the store.

I turned the car around and went back to the store. I made him take the half eaten candy bar back into the store and hand it to the manager. I made him apologize to her and then he had to pay for it with 'his' money, and he didn't get to keep the candy. I had the manager throw it away.  After we got done at the store, I drove to the police station and had a police officer talk to him about what happens to people who take things that don't belong to them or that they don't pay for. He was very nice and gentle with Austin, but explained that it was wrong and that people who steal go to jail. Austin was scared and very upset, but he learned his lesson. He promised the police officer that he would never do anything like that again, and he apologized to him for stealing as well.

I have to say, that the older Austin gets, the better he gets. He is much easier to manage now than he was then; he listens and minds more. He always seemed to understand more than Andrew did, but it was harder to manage his behavior; where as, Andrew didn't understand as much, but his behavior was easier to deal with and manage.

I had to explain things more to Andrew, show him what I wanted from him, and explain until he "got it".  Andrew still has trouble with certain things...  like understanding Idioms, Figures f Speech, inferencing, etc. Andrew is, and always has been a VERY literal thinker. We have fun with it though. I remember one of the first times I used a figure of speech with him. It was raining really hard outside and we were watching the rain from the window. He must have been about 6 or 7 years old at the time, I said to him, "Gosh Andrew, It sure is raining cats and dogs outside, isn't it?"

He looked at me like I was the stupidest person on the planet, and then he walked away from me. I couldn't help myself..  I giggled a little and called him back in there. He came to me and I asked him if he knew what that meant. He shook his head NO, so I explained to him what it meant. After I finished explaining, he thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard...  he ran into where his Dad was and told him, "Hey Dad, it's raining cats and dogs outside...  that just means that it is raining really hard outside. Isn't that funny?" The whole time he was telling Rich this..  he was laughing uncontrollably.

There was another time I remember.  The kids were on a break from school, and Rich happened to be home for whatever holiday it was....  I told the kids to go get their shoes on because we were going to go get something to eat and then do a little window shopping. Andrew had a confused look on his face, but went and got his shoes. He came back a few minutes later, still with that confused look on his face, and asked, "Mom?  You said that we were going to go window shopping, right?"

"Yes, sweetie. That's right," I replied.

Still looking very confused he said, "But this is a new house isn't it? Why do we need new windows?"

Rich and I both laughed a little, and then explained to him what "window shopping" meant. He thought that was the coolest phrase after that and used it quite often...  each time explaining what it meant after he said it. We have several books here now that have different idioms/FOS in them to help him learn. We also use FOS with him as much as we can so that he will learn. He is good about asking now, when he doesn't understand something, so that we can explain it to him.

It's little things like this that we all take for granted, and just know...  that Andrew and kids like him have to be 'taught'. He also doesn't understand 'feelings' very well. He knows, if you are crying, that you are sad..  and if you are smiling or laughing, then you are happy. However, unless it is obvious..  he doesn't get it. He even still gets some emotions wrong..  like when he is bored, he will say that he is sad. We are still working with him on these issues.

Both of my kids are a delight (most of the time) to be around and I feel blessed that God choose me to be their Mom. Both of them can be challenging in their own unique way, they are delightfully different, and get along well with each other. There is never a dull moment in our house. 

Andrew learns more and understand more each and every day. Austin is doing much better now learning to control himself and managing his behavior. It is constantly a work in progress around here, but they are doing it and I couldn't be happier. They both love home schooling, because they are surrounded by people who understand them, accept them for who they are and help them along the way...  something that neither one of them got in the public school system. I may not always do things in the conventional or traditional way...  but I want to make sure that my kids know that there are consequences for their actions and behaviors. If they don't learn that here, while they are young..  they will be in a world of hurt when they are grown and out on their own. People on the outside aren't/won't be as understanding or forgiving as we are here.



Here is the post i had previously made about Austin, the medications we have tried with him and what we are trying now.

For those of you who know me and my family..  Then you most likely know that my youngest son has ADHD, and a pretty good dose of it at that! He was diagnosed with this approx. 2-3 years ago. We tried the traditional meds that doctors prescribe for this condition -- and let me just say, that it has been a roller coaster, and not one that has been very fun! While one of the meds we tried did help greatly for his focus, attention, and calmed him down as far as his impulsiveness, and the bad behaviors that come along with all of this...  They ALL have had REALLY bad side effects. The top three being:

1)  His heart was beating too fast (this one started the roller coaster for us b/c the doc changed his meds for this one),
2)  They all suppressed his appetite to the point of him not eating AT ALL,
AND...
3)  When not doing something that required his focus and attention (ie: schoolwork) he walked around like a zombie, never smiled and just didn't seem happy at all.

NONE of these are ok with me! We like his personality and have never wanted to suppress that! We just wanted a calmer, more focused child that could get through his schoolwork with ease and hopefully learn something in the process. He IS, after all, a very smart little boy -- but with his brain racing 900 mph ALL the time, it is very hard for him to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. This makes schooling VERY difficult for him!

I have recently taken steps to try to help him in other ways. He has had some medical things going on lately that have prevented him from being able to take his "normal, doctor prescribed meds" and because I home school him, I KNOW that he HAD to have something to help with his focus and attention or I would NEVER be able to get him to do any schoolwork during this time. I had heard about supplements helping with lots of different things, so I thought I would start researching this avenue. After all, supplements are "all natural" and not made with all kinds of crap that make the benefits not worth it because the side effect are too horrendous!!

I am pleased to say that we have found some things that do work! While we haven't quite found the right combination just yet, I AM happy that we are at least headed in the right direction! The only "bad" side effects of this route, (that I have seen so far, anyway) is that Insurance doesn't cover the cost of any of it -- which I think should seriously change, btw -- AND he is now eating like crazy -- which has made my grocery bill go way up! However, I do believe that we can live with these things!

So, while I continue my/our journey to find the right combination of things that will work for him..  I will probably be posting about different things that I find interesting, and when I/we try these products, I will post how it helps or doesn't. I also welcome any HELPFUL comments/information from anyone. If you know of something that has worked for you and your child I am interested to know. If you have rude comments about how I should follow doctors advice and put him back on "their" recommended meds..  I am not interested! Thanks for listening and following us on our journey of finding ways to help my son the Natural Way!

About Austin....

Where do I start with Austin????  Well..  He has always been a bit more difficult for me....  more difficult to understand, manage, and deal with. I Love him just the same..  but he has been harder for me to...  well....  'figure out', I guess.

Even with all of Andrew's 'oddities' and 'eccentric-ness', his meltdowns were always very quiet and subdued. He just fell to the floor and curled up in a ball..  until he 'felt better'.

Austin was the loud, boisterous, stubborn, 'gonna do it my way', very strong willed type. He showed signs of this even early on.  I remember one day, he was about 3 or 4 months old, I had nursed him, changed him, burped him, rocked him to sleep, and then placed him in his bassinet...  he was sleeping so soundly, as he usually did. I decided to go out to check the mail...  I wasn't gone but maybe a minute or two, and as I got closer back to the front door I heard Austin screaming bloody murder (LOUDLY screaming, squalling). I ran in and picked him up and he was fine after that. He hardly EVER did this. He was a good sleeper...  once he was out..  he was out for a while. I still don't know what happened, that woke him up and put him into to this panicked state.

His first Christmas, he was around 9 months old, he wasn't even walking yet..  but when we brought the boys out in the living room to see all the stuff Santa had left for them...  Austin's eyes got as big as golf balls...  he was so amazed, and high-tailed it over to all the 'loot' and started playing with EVERYTHING --  his stuff, Andrew's stuff...  ALL OF IT. He was crawling at this point, but not walking yet and barely standing/pulling up on things...  but this day..  he pulled up on it all just to play and see. I was completely amazed...  because, well..  Andrew never acted like this --EVER! This was one of our first clues, I think, that Andrew was different.

When Austin turned one --  at his birthday party...  we had done the cake and ice cream first ..  so I could clean him up and then do presents.  I took him into the living room where everyone and all of his presents were... to sit with him and 'help' him open his presents. Someone had given him a drink from McDonald's a few minutes before that and he was walking around sipping on this drink. I walked him over to where his presents were, and 'tried' to take the cup from him. He needed both hands to open presents, after all. He proceeded to scream and squall and throw a fit. He was not at all interested in his presents..  he wanted that drink. He didn't stop his fit until we gave him the drink back. I ended up opening all of his presents for him.

When he was about 18 months old...  he decided that it would be a good idea to get an old Christmas tin that I had on the bottom shelf of our bookcase and play with it. I was fine with him playing with it, until he worked the lid off and started standing and jumping on it. I didn't want him to dent in the lid of the tin, so I went over and moved him off of it, picked it up and placed it back where i had it on the shelf. Austin immediately went back over and got the tin again, worked the lid back off, brought the lid into the living room, where I was, dropped it on the floor in front of me and proceeded to stand on it again. So I, calmly, walked over to him, moved him off of the lid, told him "NO!", and placed the tin back up -- but on a higher shelf. A few minutes later...  he was back in front of me with the lid of this tin, placed it on the floor in front of me again and stood on it (as if to say..  I am gonna stand on this whether you like it or not!). I walked over to him and swatted his little leg once, told him "NO!" again, and picked it back up and placed it on the top shelf of the bookcase. A few minutes later..  he had that damn lid again..  I guess he had climbed the bookshelf to get it, (I don't even want to think about that though, because it wasn't a very stable bookcase..  it was one of those cheap ones you get from Wal-mart), he dropped it in front of me again and stood on top of it....AGAIN! So I popped him again, told him "NO!" again, and this time I hid it from him. This is just how he was ...  if he got it in his head that he wanted to do something.. come hell or high water..  he was gonna do it. You could beat him until he was blue (not that I ever did that...  but just saying)...  he didn't care... he was gonna do it anyway.

I tired everything with him, as far as discipline goes... and nothing seemed to work except for shocking him into submission (I will explain about this in a bit). I tried redirecting him...  that didn't work, he still went right back to what he was doing before. I tried time-outs..  he wouldn't sit there..  no matter how many times I would take him back and sit him back down.. he still got up. I tried sending him to his room...  he wouldn't stay, unless I held the door shut on him. I tried ignoring the behavior and walking away..  he followed me where ever I went and would proceed with his fit. I tried talking to him, and that didn't work. I tried spanking him..  sometimes that worked and sometimes not. It was REALLY hard to discipline this child, until he got older.

Now don't get me wrong... Austin can be one of the sweetest, most loving little boys that you would ever want to meet when he wants to be, and is happy because everything is going his way... but tell him No about something ...  and look out!  Austin had the 'bad behaviors' (that you usually hear about) that come along with Autism that Andrew lacked. He would go from zero to ten with his anger outbursts in less than a second. When he got to "that point of no return" he was REALLY hard to manage. He didn't just throw a temper-tantrum...  the threw -- anything he could get his hands on..  while screaming, and stomping, and (more times than not) banging his head on the floor or wall or whatever was in his proximity. He even lashed out physically sometimes with us..  hitting, kicking, scratching, etc. I did not know how to deal with this at the time. It was one of those cases where...  I Loved my son..  but I didn't know what to do for him. I couldn't just let him have his own way, because that wouldn't teach him anything. BUT..  when I tried to discipline him..  he lashed out. I felt (lots of times) like a bad Mom, because I didn't know how to handle him or get through to him.

I started Austin in a church Pre-school program a year earlier than I had Andrew, because I felt that he needed that exposure to other kids and the classroom experience...  and I didn't want him to 'freak-out' like Andrew did when he started real school. (Again, this is before we knew of Andrew's Autism.)  My MIL (who kept him as well) was not too pleased that I was starting him so early... and I guess because of how Andrew reacted to going, and Austin starting out the same way..  she refused to take him. So, being as stubborn as I can be sometimes...  I decided to take him myself.  I would go into work at 6:30 in the morning and then leave at 8:30 to go pick Austin up from her -- so I could get him to 'school' by 9 and then go back to work. Then I would leave work at 11:30 to pick him up by noon and take him back to her. I didn't take a normal 'lunch break' that year, and I worked until 5:30 or sometimes later everyday...  but I was determined that he was gonna have ample time to get used to this process, so that when he went to 'real' school...  it would be an easier adjustment for him.  He didn't do well when his Granny would take him, but he did fine when I took him. I would sit there with him in the class for a few minutes, until he got comfortable and went off on his own..  but he did fine for me.

His teachers, both of these years, reported that he was pretty quiet the first half of the year, but then started to open up a bit more. He showed his "temper" to each of them only a couple of times..  which I was thankful for. His 1st teacher said that she had tried to put him in time out for misbehaving and he wouldn't 'sit' for her either. She had to sit beside him with her hand on his lap for him to stay put.

I watched the "Nanny" shows religiously back then... looking for something that I could try that would hopefully get through to him...  to no avail. I was raised in a  "spare the rod, spoil the child" kind of household, but my Dad would take this a little too far most times. So, I know first hand what it means/is to be beaten. I have never 'beaten' my kids. I do believe in spanking if the offense warrants this kind of punishment, but my kids do not get spankings for everything. I will try everything that I can think of, before I resort to that. I know that some are completely against spanking, and some are for it because that is how they were raised and ...  well..  they turned out pretty well. As for us...  I am not against it, but I do use it as an absolute last resort.

I remember one day, in particular,  that I had had it up to here, (raising my hand WAY above my head), with Austin. I was at the point that I knew if I started spanking him...  it would be hard for me to stop...  he had made me THAT angry. So for his safety and my sanity, I took him and put him in his room...  he came right out..  I took him back, and this time locked the door..  he unlocked it and came out again. I took him back in there and shut the door and stood there on the outside of his room holding the door shut so he couldn't come out. I guess he was about 4 at the time. I HAD to get him away from me for a bit, so I could calm down enough to be able to deal with him. He proceeded to throw himself up against the door and the wall, all the while screaming bloody murder. I called my best friend, so she could help 'talk me down'. She heard all the commotion on her end of the phone and asked what was going on, and when I told her...  she just said...  "WOW!" She agreed that he needed to stay there until I calmed down enough to deal with him. She stayed on the phone with me until I was calm and Austin had calmed down quite a bit as well. Now, this may not have been the right thing to do...  but it was the only thing I could think of to get him safely away from me so I could calm down enough to deal with him without hurting him. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever hurt one of my kids the way I was 'disciplined' growing up.

One thing I was thankful for, is that Andrew and Austin got along amazingly...  most of the time. When Austin was in one of his 'moods' he would lash out at Andrew as well. But, most of the time they played sweetly together. Andrew loved his brother...  he even taught Austin to read when Austin was 3 years old. And ..  Yes, I still read to them even then...  I still read to them today. They love it when I sit down with them and read a story to them.

Austin started Pre-K in the public schools too, and he was reading when he entered school as well. I would make 'jokingly' statements upon occasion that Austin had a little bit of ADHD, because he was just so hard to manage, and wouldn't sit still for anything but playing a game on the PS2 or computer. But I didn't really let myself believe it, because I already had one child that wasn't typical, how was I going to handle having both of my children being ... 'not typical'. I, honestly, wasn't sure I could handle it..  or even wanted to for that matter.

His Pre-K teachers and his K teachers (he had 2 each year, actually he had 3 in Pre-K because one of his teachers left mid-year and they hired someone new to replace her), they all knew something was 'up', but wouldn't tell me anything. Things were a bit easier for him and me when he was in Pre-K, but his K teachers treated him like the 'bad kid'...  he missed so much recess that year and was treated like the 'bad kid' so much... to the point he developed a hatred for school. This saddened me, greatly! He was also a very bright child, much like Andrew, but just couldn't control himself. It wasn't until Austin started 1st grade that he had a teacher that understood ....  and did what she could to make me aware of the troubles he was having. By Law, a teacher is not allowed to tell a parent that they think something is wrong with their child..  for fear of being sued.  I have never been one of those parents..  I have always told all of my kids teachers that if they think something is 'up' or 'wrong' with one of my kids..  to please make me aware, and I will do everything I can to check it out and do something about it.

His 1st grade teacher was wonderful...  she kind of told me in a way, (without actually telling me) that she thought he had ADHD. She casually mentioned one day, while I was volunteering in his class, that the previous year she had almost all ADHD kids in her room.  The following week, she casually mentioned that Austin was having some trouble staying focused on a task and getting his work completed. The week after that, after mulling it all over in my head for a week, I questioned her about her statement the week before.  I asked her, "You said that Austin was having trouble staying focused and completing assignments, how bad is it?"

"Well, not that bad...  he's getting better, I think", she replied.

"Oh, OK", I said, "Well, it sounded like you were trying to tell me that you think he may have ADHD. If this is the case, then please tell me and I will take him and get him tested. My older son already sees a psychologist for his Autism, and I know that he can test for ADHD as well. I just need to know if this is what I need to do."

"Well, I see what you are saying, and if that is what you are wanting to do, then I am ready for the paperwork." she answered with a bit of urgency.

I called and made the appointment. He was diagnosed with severe ADHD, but by 'my' responses to the paperwork..  not the teachers.  I was quite confused by this..  She had brought this to my attention and then scored him on the paperwork as if nothing was wrong. WHY????  I didn't understand. I was completely honest about what we saw at home (I even had Rich and his Mom (since she had kept him for so long) answer with me, just to make sure I wasn't the only one seeing things this way) and when questioned by the psychologist, as to what the teacher had said to me...  he said he was shocked that she answered the questions the way she did. He called her and talked with her and she was more honest about what was going on in the classroom. He made his final determination on the phone call, not the paperwork she had filled out.

By this time, I had changed Andrew's Developmental Ped. to someone much closer -- in Macon. I asked her to see Austin as well. It was almost the end of that year before we got the appointment with her, and she too, said that he definitely had a severe case of ADHD, and that he also needed OT. I knew that if I couldn't get OT for Andrew through the school system, I certainly wouldn't be able to get it for Austin. He did write much, much better than Andrew did, but he had 'other' issues with his fine motor skills..  and apparently, according to the Dev. Ped., OT can also help the brain to kind of 're-wire' somewhat, to help with certain aspects of ADHD in kids. (Don't ask me how, I still don't understand it.)

She started him on Concerta the following year. This was also the year I started home schooling them. The first month of HSing, he wasn't on anything..  I saw first hand what the teacher had dealt with the year before... to say it was hard to get him to do his work, was putting it mildly! He absolutely could NOT focus for more than about 15 minutes at a time. This, in turn, frustrated him immensely! I could see that he wanted to do it..   he just couldn't! Once he started the Concerta...  I saw a different child all together. His 'bad' behaviors almost completely went away, he was able to focus and get his work done with little to no redirection, he would even come to me and say "when can we start school, Mom?"...  he was a completely different child. BUT.... this medicine was an appetite suppressant... and suppressed his appetite to the point that he would not eat at all while on it. He also walked around like a zombie when not engaged in doing school work, he didn't smile much, didn't seem happy and just had no motivation for play or anything really.

This started our journey on the medication roller-coaster. I will discuss that more in another post. I have already posted about it on FB...  but will copy and re-post here for those that haven't read it.

Austin has always had a very witty sense of humor..  very quick on the comebacks when he is being teased (lovingly, that is), this part of him went away with the meds. I never wanted to change his personality...  I just wanted a calmer, more focused little boy that could get through his school work with ease and be able to control himself before he reached that "point of no return" with his meltdowns.

I will discuss more in the next post.....

Andrew & Public School - Part II

So, we had a formal diagnosis from a Developmental Pediatrician. She had told us that he would need OT and PT and help for his difficulties with social situations. He was already getting Speech through the school. I had quit my job and would spend the next 4 years researching school law to try to get them to agree to give him OT and PT. I also, during this time, was looking for places that I could get these therapies for him privately. The school kept denying him. His K teacher would say everything was fine in the meetings and then privately would tell me, "He has GOT to socialize, He has just GOT to socialize!"

I would respond with, "Well, he has GOT to be taught to do this, so why don't you get off the bench and help him to do this if it is so important to you!"

At home, during this time, I would help him with this..  I scheduled play dates for him a few times a week, that I would also attend so that I could help him to navigate the 'making friends' and 'socializing' rules. I took him to Birthday parties, which he would meltdown at... (he would fall to the floor and curl up in fetal position and not budge) -- we would have to physically pick him up, with him frozen in fetal position, and bring him into the party...  find a quiet room where he could sit until his senses caught up to him and he was able to come out and try to enjoy himself. Sometimes he did ok and sometimes we would have to leave. My philosophy was, and has been, that I wasn't going to hide him away or let Andrew hide himself away...  we would try something and if after a bit he still wasn't comfortable and wanted to leave, we would leave..  but we needed to at least try. It also helped that I met a lot of amazing people along our journey that also had a child on the spectrum and found out that they actually get along a lot better --  it is like they just have an unspoken understanding of each other and they don't judge each other..  they just enjoyed each others company and differences.

I also found during this time a wonderful psychologist that worked with kids on the spectrum. He started a group therapy for them and we would meet once a week. The kids would get together and learn appropriate social behaviors, learn how to 'meet' someone, learn how to share and take turns, etc. I would sit and talk with the other moms of the group while the kids were 'playing/learning' and we all got a lot of great ideas and support from each other. The psychologist also did some more extensive testing on Andrew -- some that his Dev. Ped. didn't do, so that he would know better how to help Andrew. He also agreed that there was no way Andrew didn't have Asperger's Autism.

Andrew had a wonderful teacher during his 1st grade year. She took time with him and worked with him and taught him how to write. She sent 'homework' with him to practice at night with correct hand grip of the pencil and how to form the letters. He worked hard that year at learning 'how' to write. It took almost all year, but he did it. He still couldn't write well, but he was finally trying and learning. We were finally able to get some help from the school with his sensory issues and even got them placed in his IEP, like:  due to Andrew's sensitive hearing, he would be forewarned of any and all bells/alarm drills (even if it was supposed to be a surprise one) so that he could place ear plugs (that we sent with him) in his ears; when the lunchroom got too loud for him, he was allowed to leave and eat at a table out in the 'main common area' or eat in the library; he wasn't forced to participate in activities that required him to put his hands in or even touch things that were gooey or slimy (I did, however, tell his teacher to 'try' to get him to do it, but not to force the issue). I was still trying to fight 'the system' and get him OT because even though he was now writing, he still wasn't writing very well. Annnddd... they kept denying it, because he 'could' write, even if it was not well.

His first grade teacher came to me one day and told me that Andrew was now playing in the mix of the kids and doing better socializing, that he was not isolating himself on the other side of the playground anymore. So I went to the school on a 'surprise visit' one day (which I did several times a month to check on things -- I also volunteered at the school a couple of times a week) to check him out on the playground. Andrew had learned to manipulate the situation...  he would climb the monkey bars to the very top and stay there the entire 45 mins. they were at recess. Yes, he 'was' in the mix of the kids now, but NO..  he still was not socializing or playing with them. Kids with Autism are great manipulators, because they have to be in order to function and cope.

His second grade teacher was nice as well -- but wasn't quite as helpful as his first grade teacher. About mid-way through the year, she came to me and told me that Andrew needed to write better because she couldn't read his writing very well and that I needed to teach him this at home. (Now, keep in mind that I was still trying to get OT for him through the school system for this reason.) I told her that he needed OT, and she could help with that in these meetings. She said again that I needed to do it at home. I told her NO, because it was her job to teach him and that is why I sent him to school was for them to teach him these things. (Now, I was helping him at home, but in order to get help from the school system, I 'had' to do things this way.) She was not too happy with me..  but isn't that 'why' we send our kids to school ..  to learn Reading, Writing and Arithmetic???

Andrew did start to socialize a bit more this year..  the Social Group Therapy he was attending after school was finally starting to pay off. He made a friend or two and would play with them a bit out on the playground. He spent the night away from home for the first time this year with his 'best friend' and did very well. I still hadn't been successful in finding appropriate OT or PT privately for him, and when I did find someone, his insurance would come back and say that it was the school's responsibility to provide this for him. It was also this year that the school started trying to minimize the only service that they did give him -- Speech. They tried to take it back from the 1 hour (2 - 30 min. sessions/week) to one 30 min. session -- pulled out of the class and one 30. min. session in the class setting. I was able to fight that and he got to keep the full hour being pulled out of class.

His 3rd grade year, however, they did take away 1/2 of his ST. His 3rd grade teacher was nice as well, and I was able to get more accomplished with her by doing things privately with her instead of it all being so formal in the meetings. I learned that it is not usually the teacher that isn't wanting to help, it is the fact that their hands are tied with the school board and the administration of that particular school. Any time I came to a meeting with a concern or problem, the board members and the principal would fight me tooth & nail, but if I took my concerns to the teacher directly, she was more willing to help in the private setting..  with what she could. Now, as far as therapies and other issues that the teacher herself couldn't do, like adding things to his IEP..  I had to deal with the board for these matters. His 3rd grade teacher did her 'homework' on Andrew before the school year started. Ever since he got formally diagnosed, I kept an updated form (that I typed up) of things 'All about Andrew'. Things he was good at, things he wasn't good at, ways to help him with socializing and with meltdowns, things that interested him, things to worry about and things to not worry about, etc. She read this and called me for more clarification on some things, she also told me that she had read several books about Asperger's Autism over the summer to give her some ideas of how to handle and teach Andrew effectively.

I also found out that teachers don't always know that a child has 'special circumstances' or an IEP unless the parent makes them aware of it.

At the end of his 3rd grade year, we had our normal 'end-of-the-year' IEP meeting. It was at this meeting that I was told that they were taking Speech away from Andrew because "he had met all of his goals". I disagreed, and told them that I wasn't seeing at home what they were 'supposedly' seeing in the classroom. They responded with, "Well, as long as we see it in the classroom, then that is all that matters. We cannot control what he knows outside of school."

WHAT??????????????????????  REALLY??????????????????????? That is the stupidest thing I have ever been told!

"So, you are telling me that as long as he can do math or read in the classroom, that it doesn't matter whether he can transfer that knowledge to real life situations outside of school?", I asked.

They all looked at me with a kind of smirk-ish grin on their faces, and just sat there.

I continued, "Well, I say that he has NOT met all of his goals and I am demanding that you keep him in Speech!"

The principal then told me that they would take me to Due Process Court and fight me on it. I told them to do whatever they felt was necessary, and in the mean time I would have him privately tested.

I said, "If the private therapist comes back and says that he has met all of his goals, then I will sign your paper to pull him out; but if she says that he needs to remain in speech..  then you will have to continue his services."

That summer I had him privately tested. (I also had Austin tested, he has had a lisp all his life and I knew he needed speech to correct it -- I also fought for him for Speech and the school kept denying him, saying that his was developmental). When the reports came back, the therapist told me that Andrew hadn't even met half the goals the school claimed he had. She also said that he needed speech for at least another year to year and a half. She continued to say that Austin's lisp quit being developmental when he was 5 years old (he was 7 at the time).

So, I took the paperwork back up to the school at the beginning of Andrew's 4th grade year and Austin's 2nd grade year and handed it to them in our lovely little meeting, that I STILL had NOT come to look forward to. (I would rather have all of my teeth pulled out while giving birth to Andrew again with NO anesthesia than deal with these people in these meetings!) I handed them the papers and told them what ST said..  that Andrew needed to remain in speech for at least another year and Austin needed speech for at least 6 months to correct his lisp. They didn't even look at the papers -- the principal just slid them back to me and said, "We are telling you, Mrs. Marks, that we are pulling Andrew out of Speech and Austin will NEVER receive Speech in the Ho. Co. School System, and there is nothing you can do about it!"

I was dumbfounded! I took my papers back and went home to mull over the events of that meeting and plan my next strategy of how to get what my kids needed. I was so tired and exhausted by this point, of continually trying to fight these people and getting nowhere..  I was stressed out and had horrible, violent feelings towards the administration and the BOE... I knew that this wasn't healthy -- for me or for them!

I talked things over with Richard when he got home that night...  and we decided that if the school wasn't going to help then we would take him privately. After all, his insurance would pay for private speech with a denial from the school.  So I started taking them both to private speech once a week for an hour. However, the only appt. I could get for them was during the school day. After about the 3rd week of me pulling them out of school for private ST, the principal and the LEA from the school board approached me and said, "If you keep doing this, we will have you arrested for Truency."

I responded with, "You can't have me arrested for Truency, because these are Dr. visits and I bring you a note every week!"

"We can have you arrested, because these people aren't technically Drs., they are Therapists and even if we decide not to have you arrested, we will fail your kids for missing too much school." they said.

My kids were straight A students...  and the school board had just told me that they would fail my kids who make A's all year because I am taking them to Speech?!?!?!  Really?!?!?!  I honestly didn't know what to say to that...  I was speechless.  I am being threatened of going to jail or having my kids held back because I am taking them to NEEDED Speech appts. that the school should have provided to begin with.

Rich and I talked things over that night when he got home from work and decided that THIS was "the straw that broke the camel's back" -- so to speak.  I just couldn't do it anymore. I was SO stressed, angry, upset, and confused that a school system could do this and be this way to a child that needs help. We decided to pull them both out and start home schooling them. They only spent about the first month of school in the public school system before we (both) went up there to sign them out for the last time. The administration seemed confused that we were withdrawing them...  they said something else to me that I thought was just pure stupidity ..  they told me that it would be hard, because I would have to keep up with their attendance and that was a real chore.  When I got the paperwork from the Board Office the next day and saw how extensive it was to log their attendance..  I had to laugh..  I put a check mark in a box people..  Yeah, that's REAL hard!  ..  LOL!

After I got them home and started teaching them myself, I soon realized that Andrew wasn't learning like he should have been doing in the Public School system either. He couldn't do long multiplication or long division. So I had to back him up and reteach him these things before we could move on with the curriculum. It took about 3 weeks for him to learn it and then he got caught up pretty quickly.

I also found places to take him for OT and PT..  now that we were no longer in the PS system..  I could get his insurance to pay for these therapies. So Andrew was now getting ST, PT, and OT as well as still going to his social group every week, and Austin was getting the ST that he needed; and I didn't have to clear it with anyone -- nor did I get threatened with being taken to court or being arrested or having my kids held back for taking them to therapies that they needed.

Life was now on the up swing and we couldn't be happier. I found out a few weeks later (from Andrew & his psychologist) that he was having trouble with the changing of classes anyway. Yes, the fourth grade classes here start 'changing classes' (twice a day) here. He would have 3 different teachers for his academic classes and then the ones for P.E., Music, and Art as well. It was just too much for him.

This has been our journey with Andrew, so far, and we have now been home schooling for two years and we LOVE IT!!! I am not as stressed out, and I can do whatever I want to with my kids and don't have to answer to anyone! I can make sure they both get what they need to thrive and excel in their lives without anyone telling me no. I am happier, my kids are happier and we are happier as a family! We have found some amazing people in a home school group here and have participated in a co-op and several field trips with them.

Next up -- our journey with Austin...  yes, we had difficulties with the school dealing with our youngest as well (aside from the speech issue).

Andrew's and Public School - Part I

OK -- so now we are up to the public schooling years..  but, before I start into that..  there is one more thing I want to mention that I remembered after the last post of Andrew's early years...  When he was still in his baby phase, and drinking from the bottle, he would study the pictures on the bottle. I have never seen this in any other infant I have ever been around - EVER. The whole time he was drinking and even after he was done..  he would look intently at the pictures on his bottle. He would turn the bottle from time to time to see the rest of the pictures.  I thought this was a little odd..  but not in a bad kind of way..  in an amazed kind of way. ;-)

OK--  so now onto his years in the public school system.


Andrew did get accepted into the Pre-K program in the public school system in our county (Thanks Goodness!). We got the "home visit" from his teacher a few weeks before school started. She was a nice lady and I thought she would be good for Andrew in his first year of school. I explained to her, as much as I could, about Andrew during that visit -- she took her notes and gave him a few little "tests" of her own. When I told her that he could read.. of course she didn't believe me, so she tested him..  she had a few books in her "bag of tricks" that she had brought with her, so she pulled one out and handed it to him. It was one of those "Dick and Jane" type books..  you know the type...  "See Spot run. See Jane run. See Dick run.". He read it with no problem. She was impressed, but I guess she wanted to see just how much he could read because she took another book from her bag and handed it to him. This book was much harder. It had bigger words in it and it had quite a few compound words. It also had more of a "story" to it. He read this one with no problem as well. She was completely impressed after this. I told her what his Pre-school teacher had said about having him tested for his IQ in the public school system, and she said that while they normally don't test kids this young for something like that, to give her some time to get to know Andrew in the class setting and we would go from there. That was fine with me.

The first day of school came..  and since I was the one taking him and picking him up everyday, I got to see first hand what my MIL dealt with the previous year. For the first several weeks Andrew would refuse to even walk into the classroom..  I would have to force him. Imagine for a minute, trying to put a cat into a bathtub full of water..  Yep..  this pretty much explains Andrew's reaction to being forced into this chaotic room full of unpredictable, loud kids. I thought he was just being difficult, so I forced him anyway. It broke my heart to force him..  but I did it, because he HAD to go to school ...  right??? He did everything to try to keep from being forced into that room..  he stood outside he door, he ran from me, he grabbed onto the door jam, he screamed and cried... but I made him go in there anyway.  I felt really bad for him, but I was helping him by doing this ..  right???  After a few weeks, he did better about going in the room by himself. I was relieved..  because with him fighting me, I left the school crying everyday for having to force him into a situation he wasn't comfortable with.

His teacher would report to me quite often throughout that year that Andrew had difficulties with several things. He wouldn't write or even try to write his name or even color for that matter. He couldn't use scissors. When they had fun activities, like spraying shaving cream on the tables for them to draw and write their names in..  Andrew would refuse to participate. He would stand on the sidelines and watch the other children, but he wouldn't put his hands in it. If she took his hands and put them in there anyway..  he completely freaked out. During group time..  Andrew stayed as far away from the "group" as he could get without leaving the room. When out on the playground..  he would stay as far away from all the kids as possible. He would look at them and watch them ..  but wouldn't engage in "play" with them at all.

At some point during the year, his teacher started letting him read to the class and I believe that this helped him to feel more confident and included. He really enjoyed this part of the day. Towards the end of the year, he had managed to make a couple of friends..  but the "play" had to be on his terms or he would disengage.

I kept asking her, throughout the course of the year, to test him..  because while he had all these problems, he was still way ahead of his class with reading and math. She finally agreed towards the end of the year to submit the paperwork to try to get him tested, but wanted me to understand that to justify this kind of test, they had to "come up with something wrong with him". The things they "came up with" I agreed to, because they were accurate. She wanted him tested for Speech..  because while he was using more words and actually "trying" to communicate, he was actually talking in circles. What I mean by this is..  Andrew would start a thought, stop in the middle of that thought, start another thought, stop in the middle, start another thought, stop in the middle..  then finish the first thought, then finish the last thought, then finish the middle thought. She also wanted him tested for Occupational Therapy because of his difficulties with Fine Motor Skills (writing, cutting, etc.). It took til the end of the year before they agreed to test him..  but they did agree that they would give him a full Psychological Evaluation with IQ test over the summer.

During the school year Andrew was referred for a Speech Evaluation -- on the Articulation Screener - his performance was typical to those of peers his age. He was also given the Expressive One-Word Picture Vocabulary Test (EOWPVT) and the Preschool Language Scale-3 (PLS-3) which were used to assess his language skills. On the EOWPVT, his performance was invalid. A basal of 8 consecutive correct responses was not established. His performance on the PLS-3 revealed a standard score of 78 and an age equivalent of 4 years, 2 months which indicated mild delays when compared to his chronological age of 5 years, 7 months. Andrew's strengths were understanding descriptive , time & quantity concepts, adding and subtracting numbers to 5, using prepositions and pronouns, and answering "when" questions. His weaknesses were identifying pictures, repeating sentences, defining words, naming animals, answering questions logically, describing procedures, using regular and irregular past tense verbs, indicating body parts such as wrist, ankle, and heel, building sentences, using comparative/superlatives and retelling stories.

Andrew was asked various questions on the test and his responses were as follows:

SLP: "Why do we brush our teeth?"  
Andrew demonstrated brushing his teeth and said, "A brush to get toothpaste"
SLP:  "Why do you wear shoes?"
Andrew:  " Because I got new spiderman ones."
SLP:  "Why do you put ice in your drink?"
Andrew:  "Kool-aid, tea, and Dr. Pepper."
SLP:  "What is a banana?"
Andrew:  "an apple and grapes"
SLP:  "What is a piano?"
Andrew:  "a guitar and a xylophone"


That summer we were called in for 2 separate sessions of the Psychological Evaluation with the BOE. In addition to the Speech Eval. and the OT Eval.,  he had already had previously in the school year; these are the tests they administered during the course of the evaluation:  Standardized Procedures: Stanford Binet Intelligence Scales -5th Edition (SB5), Kaufman Survey of Early Academic & Language Skills, Bracken Basic Concept Scale - Revised, Developmental Test of Visual Motor Integration (VMI), Diagnostic Achievement Battery - 3rd Edition (DAB-3),Woodcock-Johnson-III - Tests of Achievement-Form B, and Gilliam Asperger's Disorder Scale; Informal Procedures: Play-Based Assessment, Parent-Child Interaction, Teacher Observations.

On the evaluation itself..  it states, and I quote, that "On this preschool developmental assessment, any findings must be considered preliminary and baseline. These results should be interpreted in terms of developmental progress, and relative strengths and weaknesses, rather than absolute levels of functioning."

We had the meeting to go over everything at the beginning of his Kindergarten year. They did go over all of the tests and scores with me, (to be quite honest -- I didn't really understand most of it at the time), and what they said was that basically he scored genius levels in Reading and Math, but scored low with Social abilities and Verbal abilities. The LEA in the meeting kept telling me that she had never seen a child this young that was this intelligent.  They went on to say that (and I quote) "We did a preliminary test for Asperger's Disorder, which he scored borderline on." I asked what that was (because I had never heard of it before). Their response to me was "Well, if there is going to be something wrong with your child, trust me, you want it to be this!"

Wrong?  Something is Wrong?? With MY child??

They said something was wrong, and I am the type of person/mom that ...  well, if there is something wrong..  Let's fix it! How do we fix it?!  So I questioned them again...  I said, " You stated that you only gave him a preliminary test for this ...  Asperger's ...  Right???"

"Well, Yes ma'am..  that's right!" they said.

"Oh!..  OK, well then do I need to take him and have him fully tested for this then?", I asked.

Their response to me was...  "OH! NO!!!!  (while shaking their heads vigorously at the same time) WHAT EVER YOU DO ...  DON'T DO THAT!!!" 

"Let's just take a wait and see approach for now....." they continued.

This confused me quite a bit...  at first they made it sound just serious enough to make me question it, then they said that there was something wrong, and now they are telling me to do nothing about it...   hmmmmph... I don't think so Tim...

I went home that night and looked up Asperger's Disorder on the internet, and what I found shocked me, to say the least!  From what I read..  there is no way, in MY mind, that you can be borderline for something like this. It's AUTISM... High-functioning Autism, but Autism none-the-less.

So the next day, I call Andrew's pediatrician..  I spoke directly to him and told him what had happened and what was said at the meeting the day before -- he agreed with me that you can't be borderline for something like this -- you either have it --  or you don't!  He made us an appointment for the next day.

We went in the next day with paperwork from the school in hand..  I filled out several forms and tests for the doctor..  he looked over all of it and said that he felt confident that Andrew DID in fact have Asperger's Disorder, but to be safe and thorough for the school, and because they may not accept HIS diagnosis (with him just being a general ped.) -- he would send us to a Developmental Pediatrician in Augusta, whose specialty was these types of disorders. It took about 6 months to get the appointment with her -- but that was a lot quicker than waiting a year and a half to get in at Emory.

I took the preliminary diagnosis from Andrew's ped. to the school the next day (as he instructed me to do) with a note from him that we would be seen, in 6 months, by the Developmental Ped. in Augusta. And....  Heeerrree'sssss  where my troubles began!  They were NOT happy that I had gone and done exactly what they had told me NOT TO DO!

Up until now...  I was working..  I had a good job -- I worked in Defense Contracting with one of the many contractors for the military base here in our town. I LOVED my job...  I was GOOD at my job (I had been doing this same thing for about 14 years) and I made pretty good money, too. I didn't make GREAT money..  but I made good money.  Rich also worked with one of these contractors. We worked in the same building out on the base -- but with different contracting companies. Together we made a good living. We had a nice little house, in a great neighborhood, and the school that Andrew attended (and Austin would later attend) was supposed to be one of the best in the county. HA! I beg to differ!

Six months later ... Andrew was formally diagnosed with Asperger's Autism. His Dev. Ped. called it this. She said that the reason she refers to it as Autism instead of a Disorder, is because IT IS, in fact, AUTISM..  and to call it a Disorder diminishes it as such and gives school systems cause to label it something other than what it actually is. We would find this out as well.  She said that there is NO WAY Andrew doesn't have Asperger's..  He fit ALL the criteria..  He had ALL the signs/symptoms..  although more than half were on the mild side..  he had them ALL..  therefore he was considered as being moderately affected...  not mild, or severe..  but moderate. She explained to us that all of the signs of it had been there all along from the time he was still a baby..  (from his rigid eating habits, his lack of sleeping, his sensory issues, lack of social awareness, and trouble with social interactions)... and that she doesn't know how it didn't get noticed before now. She also congratulated us..  saying that we were doing the right things for him all along, even though we didn't know about his Autism yet. Well, with the exception of forcing him into the classroom thing..  that we could have done better..  but who knew???

Over the next few years..  he would have his +'s (pluses) added..  His formal diagnosis is Asperger's Autism with...  Hyperlexia (reading and doing math at an earlier than normal age), Sensory Integration Disorder, Sleep Disorder, Hypotonia (weak muscles/muscle tone), and Tibia Torsion.

The tibia torsion, we would later find out... after seeing a pediatric orthopedic doc ..  was really a problem starting at Andrew's hips. His hip bones were turning in, causing his tibia bones to also turn in, causing him to walk extremely pigeon-toed..  ALL caused by his Hypotonia, which was directly related to his Autism. So, Autism doesn't just affect the brain..  it also affects the muscles and bones, and physical well-being in some children.

OK--  so back to after the formal diagnosis..  According to his Dev. Ped., he needed services from the school that would include more than just Speech..  although this was a great start. Her initial words to us were...  "Yep, He's definitely got it! Here's your formal, written diagnosis for the school..  Good Luck!  Let me know if you need anything and I will see you again in 6 months."

What??????!!!!!!!  What do I do now????  Where do I start???  What's next???  What do I ask for from the school??? She told us nothing more. I went into a kind of panic mode/tail-spin...  I was on one-hand devastated with the diagnosis, I was also relieved  that we finally knew why he was so different, I was still in a state of denial at times, but also trying to gain some kind of acceptance of it, and I was trying to figure out what I needed to do for him now and how to get the school to agree to help him. I called all the agencies I could think of ...  Parent-to-Parent of Georgia, Georgia Autism Association, and a few others that I can't remember right now. I got told everything bad by these people that you can think of. I was told that we would be raising him for the rest of our lives, that Andrew would never be able to live on his own. I was told that I shouldn't expect for my marriage to work out, because 90% (or something like that) of all marriages of families that have a disabled child in the household end in divorce. I was told that I would probably lose everything I owned and life as I knew it was over.  Nice, huh?!?! Needless to say, I wasn't given much hope. BUT...  I am stubborn, and none of this was acceptable for me or Andrew! I made up my mind that I would do whatever it took to help him to grow and mature and to one day be able to live on his own and have his own life. This is, after all, the goal we all have for our children ..  is it not?!  I was also told that to get anything accomplished with the school, I needed to be the "bitch-mom"! This, I could handle! After all, they already thought of me as "the bitch-mom" because I went over their heads and got him formally diagnosed.

It was at our next visit with his Dev. Ped. that she finally told us -- (after we told her some of the problems that he was having at the school) -- that he needed OT and PT and help with his social skills. She handed us a prescription for OT and PT for the school... and tried to push medications on us for Andrew (which I refused). I felt confident that he could learn appropriate social behaviors and how to manage his meltdowns, although I knew that it would take a lot of work and patience from his family.

I took the formal diagnosis back to the school the next day, and asked for a meeting to begin this process of getting him the services he needed to help him. This began a long roller coaster ride of meeting after meeting, the school board trying to intimidate me with having 15 or more people in these meetings with just me and/or my husband there, the school board trying their best to have him labeled with EBD (Emotional Behavior Disorder) instead of Autism as his main diagnosis, them lying to me out-right about what it says/means in the law books for NCLB (No Child Left Behind) and IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), them twisting my words or out-and-out fabricating what I actually said with what sounded better "for them" in the meeting notes, his teachers saying one thing to me in private, but something totally different in the meetings, etc.

The last 3 months I worked..  which was in his Kindergarten year...  I don't think I worked a full 40 hours in a given week. I was to busy being called to the school for meetings..  or there would be one scheduled..  I would ask for the time off from work, be on my way to the meeting and get a phone call (in route) that the meeting was cancelled and would have to be rescheduled because one of the people that was scheduled to be there was having surgery. Really??  You didn't know this ahead of time, and couldn't call me ..  I don't know..  like, YESTERDAY, to tell me this?!?!?! This WAS a scheduled surgery after all (yes, I found out), so they knew well in advance that this person wouldn't be there. But did they call ahead of time???  NO!!!  They waited until they KNEW I had taken off of work and was on my way before they "remembered" to call me and tell me. (My boss was really GREAT! She understood and told me if I needed to go..  to go and take care of my son..  not to worry about my job. As I said before..  I was really good at my job, and even though I may not have worked a full 40 hours in a week..  I ALWAYS got my work done for a full 40 and then some.) This was the kind of crap they pulled...  to try to intimidate parents to shut them up and not ask for/fight for what their kids actually need that the school didn't want to provide.

Now I know what you are thinking...  "The school systems don't have the money" ..  well, that is what they said to me too..  however, I would learn that when a child is formally diagnosed with a disability and is placed on and IEP (Individual Education Plan) (which Andrew had), the school gets EXTRA money for these kids depending on their disability and what they need. There is also a way that parents can find out "how much extra" the school is getting for their particular child.  They were getting more than $5,000.00 EXTRA just for my Andrew..  and all he was receiving from them was Speech???  Really???  They didn't have the money to give him OT, but they had the money for a new basketball court, and they had the money to fence in the whole school yard, and they had the money for new playground equipment for the older kids...  but they couldn't find the money in their budget to give my child the services he needed to continue to thrive in school. This amount was just what they were receiving for my child..  One parent I talked to found out that the school was getting over $14,000.00 EXTRA for her child..  now granted her child was in an actual Special Ed Class, and Andrew was in General Ed., but again...  the only services her child received otherwise, was Speech ...  WHAT?????  REALLY????  There is something majorly wrong with this picture!

I ended up quitting my job towards the end of Andrew's K year, because I just couldn't do it all! Between working full time and taking care of Richard and the boys after work..  there just didn't leave much time for me to do the research I needed to do to be an effective advocate for my son. We couldn't afford to hire someone to help, even with us both working, and besides I knew that Andrew would need "other" therapies that the school wasn't providing, and I also needed to research and find out where I could take him for these.  I also knew that my insurance (through my work) wouldn't cover the costs of these therapies that he needed, and I knew that with me not working ..  we would qualify for the state insurance -- which would cover the costs of these therapies. I knew that whether I quit my job or decided to continue working and pay for the therapies out of pocket..  we would probably lose the house; also if I continued to work, how would I get him to the therapies? I am only one person, and Richard said that I was better with dealing with these people and these issues than he was, so it was decided that I would be the main one dealing with all of this....  school, insurance, Dr. appts., therapies... and stuff. So it was decided, by both of us, that I would quit my job and take care of our family full time. I also felt really bad, because I knew that I needed to be there working, but I also needed to be there for my son..  I didn't feel like I was giving them 100% because I couldn't be there all day everyday,  and I knew that I wasn't giving my son 100% because I was just too tired at the end of the day. I was completely and utterly stressed out and felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown if I didn't let go of something... I discussed this with my boss and turned in my resignation..  she told me that she felt like I was making the right decision. She knew that I really needed to focus more on my son and she said that when I was ready..  she would hire me back in a heartbeat. She even gave me a raise my last week of work..  It was my yearly evaluation.

So, I quit, and I kept plugging on, trying my best to fight the school to get for Andrew what he needed to thrive, and THEY kept fight me and telling me no.  I was finally able to get them to put his formal diagnosis on his IEP with the help of my Dad. He was a retired Investigator for OPM, and he investigated things like worker's comp and EDUCATION, so he knew a little bit about this. AND LET ME TELL YOU..  when he walked in to that first meeting and gave his credentials...  they sat up and listened..  they were scared! I was thrilled! They started treating me with a little bit more respect after this..  not a lot, but a little bit. Hey, it was a start anyway, after all they had already put me through.

Ok--  so again, this is a lot of information.. and this will have to be in parts..  so I will end here for now and continue on with the rest at a later time.

Andrew's Early Years... Part II

Andrew has displayed certain Sensory Processing issues from very early on, although we didn't know that is what it was until he was diagnosed. 

As a tiny baby..  whenever we went to any store (my main one has always been Wal-Mart) ..  he would want to nurse...  even if I had just fed him before leaving the house. Now, thinking about it, I believe it was that the lights and/or sounds made him uncomfortable and being "hidden" under the blanket I used while nursing him in public places gave him some sort of relief from that. 

Of course, his eating habits are also part of this. We still don't know if it is taste, smell, color, texture, or a combination of some or all of these that is the issue with his rigid eating habits.

He never did like to be swaddled in his blanket. He did, however, LOVE to be held! He pretty much wouldn't let us put him down. I could feed him, change him, rock him to sleep and then place him in his crib and...  he would wake up immediately -- screaming -- EVERY TIME! He slept in our bed until he was about 4 years old, because that is the only way we could get him to sleep through the night or at least stay in bed all night. He never did sleep through the night -- not really.  Although, as long as he was in our bed with us, when he did wake up, he would just sit there or lay there and play until he got ready to go back to sleep. 


He has always had very sensitive hearing. Loud noises, certain tunes from certain songs, bells, alarms, and the like have always been difficult for Andrew to tolerate.


He has always had a heightened sense of smell, as well. He still does smell everything before he puts it in his mouth; even if it is something that he has had before.


Andrew didn't start talking until he was about 3 years old..  and even then, I would later learn, it wasn't really talking..  it was rote speech. He started out mimicking words or lines he would hear off of one of his favorite Disney movies or video games. Sometimes this would "fit" to the question being asked, and sometimes it wouldn't. Most of the time, if Andrew wanted something he would come and grab your hand and take you where he wanted you. If it happened to be a drink or something in the refrigerator or pantry he would bang on it with his open hand until you opened it.  Then you would have to go through everything in there until you found what he was after. He would make a little grunting sound and nod once when you got to what it was he wanted. 


He had trouble understanding verbal commands. I would also learn later that he had some Auditory Processing Difficulties. I remember when he was about 2 years old, he came to me and grabbed my hand and led me to the fridge. He then banged on it until I opened it, and we went through several things until I got to the Apple Juice and he grunted. I asked him to go get his sippy cup (it happened to be under the kitchen table - where he had put it). He just continued to look at me and pat the juice bottle. So I pointed to his sippy cup and said again, "Andrew, go get Mommy your sippy cup."


He looked where I pointed, looked back up at me and then began to pat the juice container again. I walked him over in front of the table and pointed again at his sippy cup sitting under it and said, " Andrew, get Mommy your sippy cup there under the table, and I will pour you some juice."


He again looked where I pointed and then looked back up at me and patted the juice bottle. So I then crawled under the table, lifted his cup up and told him again to get me his cup. I put the cup back down where it was and then got out from under the table and asked him again to hand me his cup. He crawled under there, picked up his cup and handed it to me so I could pour him some juice. This was the way Andrew had to learn how to follow verbal commands, because of his Auditory Processing Difficulties. 

When he began asking for things by name, even those came out oddly. When he wanted chocolate milk, it came out "chipmunk". His bottle, was affectionately referred to as "bot". I was "ma" and his dad was "da". Keep in mind he was between 2 and 3 years old at this time. According to the literature, he should have been saying these words clearly by now. 


He has always been a very literal child too; with almost everything. He drank white milk out of the bottle just fine; but when I took his bottle away..  he would refuse to drink white milk at all. He would drink chocolate milk out of the sippy cup, but when I took the sippy cup away..  he quit drinking chocolate milk. 


Andrew was afraid of change and people that he didn't know. My Mom lived, at this time, in Kentucky with her then husband. She would come to visit a few times a year because her parents, two of her girls and all of her grand babies were here. Whenever she would try to hold Andrew, he would just scream and reach for me or his Dad. She was quite upset by this, because she didn't understand why he wouldn't let her hold him. When she would hold any of her other grand children..  they were fine with it, but Andrew screamed bloody murder and cried those big crocodile tears. I was upset by it too, I felt like she blamed me, but I had no clue either - why he reacted this way to her. It wasn't just her though. One of my Aunts came to visit one day and when she walked in the house, Andrew ran to the back of the house and hid. He wouldn't come out -- I actually can't remember if he ever came out while she was there. He was fine with me and his Dad, of course. He was also fine with Rich's parents. Richard's Mom kept Andrew during the day while we were working. He was also fine with our best friends at that time, because we spent tons of time with them and their baby daughter.  Everyone else...  it was hit and miss.


His third Christmas (he was about 27 months old at the time) we were so excited for him because Santa had left him Buzz Lightyear and Woody "dolls" and this was his FAVORITE movie at the time. We couldn't wait for him to see them. When he woke up that morning and we took him out to see the "loot" that Santa had left..  it terrified him...  he ran to the back of the house and it took us about an hour before we could coax him back out to see everything. He finally came back out -- grabbed Buzz and Woody and then ran to the back of the house again. We were dumbfounded.  It took several hours that day to get him to "look" at everything. 


I used to read to the boys every night before bed, actually, I read to them a lot those first several years. While I was reading, I would point to the words as I said them, and I tried to read with as much expression as I could muster. When Andrew was about three years old, I heard him playing in his bedroom one day...  he was talking to himself..  so I went in to investigate. HE WAS READING A BOOK! I couldn't believe it! So, I let him finish that one, and then handed him another one...  he read that one too!  I was completely floored! I called his Dad and his Granny (Rich's Mom) and told them about what had just happened..  they didn't believe me. Richard found out that night when he got home from work (I only worked part time back then). It took a little while longer for Andrew to open up to his Granny and read for her, but then she was amazed too! Andrew had taught himself to read. 


He would bring me pencils or pens sometimes (starting at around the age of 2 - 2 1/2) and want me to write the Alphabet for him as he said the letters..  so I did that with him quite often. He also loved numbers and wanted me to write the numbers and then that progressed into what we called "The Math Game", which was simple adding and subtracting. BUT..  He was getting it and he loved it! So by the time Andrew was 3 years old he had started using more words (even if it was just rote speech), he was reading and doing simple math. His Dad and I were completely amazed! I tried to get him to write the letters/numbers himself and he would refuse. He never did have an interest in coloring or writing on his own, even though I did try hard to get him to do it.


Because Andrew's birthday came late, he couldn't start Pre-K in the public school when he turned 4 years old. I KNEW that I had to prepare him a little bit for the classroom experience BEFORE we just threw him into all day school with strangers. So, I signed him up for a little 3 year old preschool class at one of the local churches here in town. It was 3 days a week from 9 a.m. -12 noon. The first few weeks, my mother-in-law reported to me that it was hard to leave him there, because he was screaming and crying uncontrollably. She took him and picked him up because I was working. After a few weeks..  he got better about being left there, he liked being around the kids, but he didn't really interact with them much and he wouldn't do the work that the teacher wanted him to do. When she asked him to color -- at first he refused, then he would draw one line across the paper and turn it in, then he would just scribble on the page and hand it to her. During group activities, his teacher would tell me that Andrew would go over to the book shelf and pick up a book and start looking at it. I explained to her that he was actually reading it and she didn't believe me...  until she witnessed it herself. She then told me that when Andrew got into public school I needed to PUSH to have him tested for his IQ, because in all her years of teaching this age group..  she had never seen a child this young that could read like that. 


Potty-training -- OMGosh...  THAT was a nightmare! Andrew FINALLY started going "pee-pee" in the potty RIGHT before he started the Church Preschool, but he still had accidents. When we started trying to potty train him at around the age of 2..  he just wasn't interested, or wasn't getting it..  I really don't know which. It was at this time that he started holding his bowels. If he had a diaper on..  he went..  no problem..  if it was a pull-up or underwear..  he held it. We even bought him a cool little potty that made race car noises when he went pee in it...  he would pee just enough to hear the racing noises and then quit and go "finish" somewhere else. Thank God we had a carpet cleaner! He FINALLY started going poo in the potty when he was about 8 years old. By this time we knew why he was holding it..  it was due to his Autism.


Andrew has always had a really great memory... I have trouble sometimes remembering the events of the day before..  but Andrew..  I don't think that there is much that he forgets! By the time he was 3 years old..  he could tell you every driver on the Nascar circuit - which no. car they drove, who sponsored it, which races each driver had won and when for the previous few years. This blew me away! He even knew the layout of each of the racetracks that they raced at every year. He would place his Nascar cars in a specific formation (of one of the track) in different areas around our house. Occasionally, he would go and swap spots of some of the cars. 


He was also obsessed with street signs...  the STOP sign was his favorite. At 2 1/2 years old, he would spell it and say it repeatedly--  S-T-O-P stop, S-T-O-P stop, he said this over and over.


This should, I hope, give you a good idea of what our life was like pre-diagnosis. We knew he was different, but that he was very smart and loved to learn. But we enjoyed watching him grow and learn everyday, and when he finally figured something out..  you could see a light go on in the way he reacted! 

Next up-- Public School Pre-K....