About Austin....

Where do I start with Austin????  Well..  He has always been a bit more difficult for me....  more difficult to understand, manage, and deal with. I Love him just the same..  but he has been harder for me to...  well....  'figure out', I guess.

Even with all of Andrew's 'oddities' and 'eccentric-ness', his meltdowns were always very quiet and subdued. He just fell to the floor and curled up in a ball..  until he 'felt better'.

Austin was the loud, boisterous, stubborn, 'gonna do it my way', very strong willed type. He showed signs of this even early on.  I remember one day, he was about 3 or 4 months old, I had nursed him, changed him, burped him, rocked him to sleep, and then placed him in his bassinet...  he was sleeping so soundly, as he usually did. I decided to go out to check the mail...  I wasn't gone but maybe a minute or two, and as I got closer back to the front door I heard Austin screaming bloody murder (LOUDLY screaming, squalling). I ran in and picked him up and he was fine after that. He hardly EVER did this. He was a good sleeper...  once he was out..  he was out for a while. I still don't know what happened, that woke him up and put him into to this panicked state.

His first Christmas, he was around 9 months old, he wasn't even walking yet..  but when we brought the boys out in the living room to see all the stuff Santa had left for them...  Austin's eyes got as big as golf balls...  he was so amazed, and high-tailed it over to all the 'loot' and started playing with EVERYTHING --  his stuff, Andrew's stuff...  ALL OF IT. He was crawling at this point, but not walking yet and barely standing/pulling up on things...  but this day..  he pulled up on it all just to play and see. I was completely amazed...  because, well..  Andrew never acted like this --EVER! This was one of our first clues, I think, that Andrew was different.

When Austin turned one --  at his birthday party...  we had done the cake and ice cream first ..  so I could clean him up and then do presents.  I took him into the living room where everyone and all of his presents were... to sit with him and 'help' him open his presents. Someone had given him a drink from McDonald's a few minutes before that and he was walking around sipping on this drink. I walked him over to where his presents were, and 'tried' to take the cup from him. He needed both hands to open presents, after all. He proceeded to scream and squall and throw a fit. He was not at all interested in his presents..  he wanted that drink. He didn't stop his fit until we gave him the drink back. I ended up opening all of his presents for him.

When he was about 18 months old...  he decided that it would be a good idea to get an old Christmas tin that I had on the bottom shelf of our bookcase and play with it. I was fine with him playing with it, until he worked the lid off and started standing and jumping on it. I didn't want him to dent in the lid of the tin, so I went over and moved him off of it, picked it up and placed it back where i had it on the shelf. Austin immediately went back over and got the tin again, worked the lid back off, brought the lid into the living room, where I was, dropped it on the floor in front of me and proceeded to stand on it again. So I, calmly, walked over to him, moved him off of the lid, told him "NO!", and placed the tin back up -- but on a higher shelf. A few minutes later...  he was back in front of me with the lid of this tin, placed it on the floor in front of me again and stood on it (as if to say..  I am gonna stand on this whether you like it or not!). I walked over to him and swatted his little leg once, told him "NO!" again, and picked it back up and placed it on the top shelf of the bookcase. A few minutes later..  he had that damn lid again..  I guess he had climbed the bookshelf to get it, (I don't even want to think about that though, because it wasn't a very stable bookcase..  it was one of those cheap ones you get from Wal-mart), he dropped it in front of me again and stood on top of it....AGAIN! So I popped him again, told him "NO!" again, and this time I hid it from him. This is just how he was ...  if he got it in his head that he wanted to do something.. come hell or high water..  he was gonna do it. You could beat him until he was blue (not that I ever did that...  but just saying)...  he didn't care... he was gonna do it anyway.

I tired everything with him, as far as discipline goes... and nothing seemed to work except for shocking him into submission (I will explain about this in a bit). I tried redirecting him...  that didn't work, he still went right back to what he was doing before. I tried time-outs..  he wouldn't sit there..  no matter how many times I would take him back and sit him back down.. he still got up. I tried sending him to his room...  he wouldn't stay, unless I held the door shut on him. I tried ignoring the behavior and walking away..  he followed me where ever I went and would proceed with his fit. I tried talking to him, and that didn't work. I tried spanking him..  sometimes that worked and sometimes not. It was REALLY hard to discipline this child, until he got older.

Now don't get me wrong... Austin can be one of the sweetest, most loving little boys that you would ever want to meet when he wants to be, and is happy because everything is going his way... but tell him No about something ...  and look out!  Austin had the 'bad behaviors' (that you usually hear about) that come along with Autism that Andrew lacked. He would go from zero to ten with his anger outbursts in less than a second. When he got to "that point of no return" he was REALLY hard to manage. He didn't just throw a temper-tantrum...  the threw -- anything he could get his hands on..  while screaming, and stomping, and (more times than not) banging his head on the floor or wall or whatever was in his proximity. He even lashed out physically sometimes with us..  hitting, kicking, scratching, etc. I did not know how to deal with this at the time. It was one of those cases where...  I Loved my son..  but I didn't know what to do for him. I couldn't just let him have his own way, because that wouldn't teach him anything. BUT..  when I tried to discipline him..  he lashed out. I felt (lots of times) like a bad Mom, because I didn't know how to handle him or get through to him.

I started Austin in a church Pre-school program a year earlier than I had Andrew, because I felt that he needed that exposure to other kids and the classroom experience...  and I didn't want him to 'freak-out' like Andrew did when he started real school. (Again, this is before we knew of Andrew's Autism.)  My MIL (who kept him as well) was not too pleased that I was starting him so early... and I guess because of how Andrew reacted to going, and Austin starting out the same way..  she refused to take him. So, being as stubborn as I can be sometimes...  I decided to take him myself.  I would go into work at 6:30 in the morning and then leave at 8:30 to go pick Austin up from her -- so I could get him to 'school' by 9 and then go back to work. Then I would leave work at 11:30 to pick him up by noon and take him back to her. I didn't take a normal 'lunch break' that year, and I worked until 5:30 or sometimes later everyday...  but I was determined that he was gonna have ample time to get used to this process, so that when he went to 'real' school...  it would be an easier adjustment for him.  He didn't do well when his Granny would take him, but he did fine when I took him. I would sit there with him in the class for a few minutes, until he got comfortable and went off on his own..  but he did fine for me.

His teachers, both of these years, reported that he was pretty quiet the first half of the year, but then started to open up a bit more. He showed his "temper" to each of them only a couple of times..  which I was thankful for. His 1st teacher said that she had tried to put him in time out for misbehaving and he wouldn't 'sit' for her either. She had to sit beside him with her hand on his lap for him to stay put.

I watched the "Nanny" shows religiously back then... looking for something that I could try that would hopefully get through to him...  to no avail. I was raised in a  "spare the rod, spoil the child" kind of household, but my Dad would take this a little too far most times. So, I know first hand what it means/is to be beaten. I have never 'beaten' my kids. I do believe in spanking if the offense warrants this kind of punishment, but my kids do not get spankings for everything. I will try everything that I can think of, before I resort to that. I know that some are completely against spanking, and some are for it because that is how they were raised and ...  well..  they turned out pretty well. As for us...  I am not against it, but I do use it as an absolute last resort.

I remember one day, in particular,  that I had had it up to here, (raising my hand WAY above my head), with Austin. I was at the point that I knew if I started spanking him...  it would be hard for me to stop...  he had made me THAT angry. So for his safety and my sanity, I took him and put him in his room...  he came right out..  I took him back, and this time locked the door..  he unlocked it and came out again. I took him back in there and shut the door and stood there on the outside of his room holding the door shut so he couldn't come out. I guess he was about 4 at the time. I HAD to get him away from me for a bit, so I could calm down enough to be able to deal with him. He proceeded to throw himself up against the door and the wall, all the while screaming bloody murder. I called my best friend, so she could help 'talk me down'. She heard all the commotion on her end of the phone and asked what was going on, and when I told her...  she just said...  "WOW!" She agreed that he needed to stay there until I calmed down enough to deal with him. She stayed on the phone with me until I was calm and Austin had calmed down quite a bit as well. Now, this may not have been the right thing to do...  but it was the only thing I could think of to get him safely away from me so I could calm down enough to deal with him without hurting him. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever hurt one of my kids the way I was 'disciplined' growing up.

One thing I was thankful for, is that Andrew and Austin got along amazingly...  most of the time. When Austin was in one of his 'moods' he would lash out at Andrew as well. But, most of the time they played sweetly together. Andrew loved his brother...  he even taught Austin to read when Austin was 3 years old. And ..  Yes, I still read to them even then...  I still read to them today. They love it when I sit down with them and read a story to them.

Austin started Pre-K in the public schools too, and he was reading when he entered school as well. I would make 'jokingly' statements upon occasion that Austin had a little bit of ADHD, because he was just so hard to manage, and wouldn't sit still for anything but playing a game on the PS2 or computer. But I didn't really let myself believe it, because I already had one child that wasn't typical, how was I going to handle having both of my children being ... 'not typical'. I, honestly, wasn't sure I could handle it..  or even wanted to for that matter.

His Pre-K teachers and his K teachers (he had 2 each year, actually he had 3 in Pre-K because one of his teachers left mid-year and they hired someone new to replace her), they all knew something was 'up', but wouldn't tell me anything. Things were a bit easier for him and me when he was in Pre-K, but his K teachers treated him like the 'bad kid'...  he missed so much recess that year and was treated like the 'bad kid' so much... to the point he developed a hatred for school. This saddened me, greatly! He was also a very bright child, much like Andrew, but just couldn't control himself. It wasn't until Austin started 1st grade that he had a teacher that understood ....  and did what she could to make me aware of the troubles he was having. By Law, a teacher is not allowed to tell a parent that they think something is wrong with their child..  for fear of being sued.  I have never been one of those parents..  I have always told all of my kids teachers that if they think something is 'up' or 'wrong' with one of my kids..  to please make me aware, and I will do everything I can to check it out and do something about it.

His 1st grade teacher was wonderful...  she kind of told me in a way, (without actually telling me) that she thought he had ADHD. She casually mentioned one day, while I was volunteering in his class, that the previous year she had almost all ADHD kids in her room.  The following week, she casually mentioned that Austin was having some trouble staying focused on a task and getting his work completed. The week after that, after mulling it all over in my head for a week, I questioned her about her statement the week before.  I asked her, "You said that Austin was having trouble staying focused and completing assignments, how bad is it?"

"Well, not that bad...  he's getting better, I think", she replied.

"Oh, OK", I said, "Well, it sounded like you were trying to tell me that you think he may have ADHD. If this is the case, then please tell me and I will take him and get him tested. My older son already sees a psychologist for his Autism, and I know that he can test for ADHD as well. I just need to know if this is what I need to do."

"Well, I see what you are saying, and if that is what you are wanting to do, then I am ready for the paperwork." she answered with a bit of urgency.

I called and made the appointment. He was diagnosed with severe ADHD, but by 'my' responses to the paperwork..  not the teachers.  I was quite confused by this..  She had brought this to my attention and then scored him on the paperwork as if nothing was wrong. WHY????  I didn't understand. I was completely honest about what we saw at home (I even had Rich and his Mom (since she had kept him for so long) answer with me, just to make sure I wasn't the only one seeing things this way) and when questioned by the psychologist, as to what the teacher had said to me...  he said he was shocked that she answered the questions the way she did. He called her and talked with her and she was more honest about what was going on in the classroom. He made his final determination on the phone call, not the paperwork she had filled out.

By this time, I had changed Andrew's Developmental Ped. to someone much closer -- in Macon. I asked her to see Austin as well. It was almost the end of that year before we got the appointment with her, and she too, said that he definitely had a severe case of ADHD, and that he also needed OT. I knew that if I couldn't get OT for Andrew through the school system, I certainly wouldn't be able to get it for Austin. He did write much, much better than Andrew did, but he had 'other' issues with his fine motor skills..  and apparently, according to the Dev. Ped., OT can also help the brain to kind of 're-wire' somewhat, to help with certain aspects of ADHD in kids. (Don't ask me how, I still don't understand it.)

She started him on Concerta the following year. This was also the year I started home schooling them. The first month of HSing, he wasn't on anything..  I saw first hand what the teacher had dealt with the year before... to say it was hard to get him to do his work, was putting it mildly! He absolutely could NOT focus for more than about 15 minutes at a time. This, in turn, frustrated him immensely! I could see that he wanted to do it..   he just couldn't! Once he started the Concerta...  I saw a different child all together. His 'bad' behaviors almost completely went away, he was able to focus and get his work done with little to no redirection, he would even come to me and say "when can we start school, Mom?"...  he was a completely different child. BUT.... this medicine was an appetite suppressant... and suppressed his appetite to the point that he would not eat at all while on it. He also walked around like a zombie when not engaged in doing school work, he didn't smile much, didn't seem happy and just had no motivation for play or anything really.

This started our journey on the medication roller-coaster. I will discuss that more in another post. I have already posted about it on FB...  but will copy and re-post here for those that haven't read it.

Austin has always had a very witty sense of humor..  very quick on the comebacks when he is being teased (lovingly, that is), this part of him went away with the meds. I never wanted to change his personality...  I just wanted a calmer, more focused little boy that could get through his school work with ease and be able to control himself before he reached that "point of no return" with his meltdowns.

I will discuss more in the next post.....