Some of these things will be a bit difficult to remember; Andrew is 11 1/2 years old now, after all. I am sure that more and more will come to me as I go. I just hope it doesn't seem like I am writing in circles. I ask that you please be patient with me during this process.
Please keep in mind that we didn't know that Andrew had Asperger's Autism until he was 5 years old, and I WAS a first time Mom after all. Also, I was raised with two sisters, so I had NO clue about boys or what was normal or not. Whenever I took him to the doctor for his regular checkups, and I raised a concern about something, they would ALWAYS reply with... "Don't worry, Mrs. Marks. He is a boy, and boys ALWAYS mature slower than girls." This was part of the problem as to why we didn't know anything before we did.
Andrew was born exactly one month early. He was actually due on October 16th, however, he made his appearance on September 16th. The first things I remember thinking, upon seeing our little bundle of joy - baby boy, was how incredibly beautiful he was, and how could something THAT beautiful come from and belong to us. Now, I am sure that this is a typical response coming from most Mom's about their children.. but I was completely awe struck and overwhelmed! I was also completely exhausted.. LOL!
I remember Richard telling me, probably a few weeks after Andrew was born, that he got really worried about me that night because I didn't ask for Andrew right away. Richard said that he was afraid I would be one of those Moms that would have trouble connecting with her baby. I was so tired and relieved that "the birthing of him" was finally over -- I guess I just needed a minute to catch my breath. It didn't take long, just a minute or two, before I asked to see and hold our son. Richard said that he felt MUCH better once I asked for him. :-)
I also remember checking him out, like all Moms do to their newborns.. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of dark brown hair, cute little button nose, squishable-chubby cheeks, ... then I looked as his ears. OH, they were so adorable.. still all curled up, almost like a new born kitten's would be. As they started to open, it kind of reminded me of the movie Dumbo, which was one of my all-time favorite Disney movies from my childhood. As they slowly opened... I, again, was in awe... He was just so darn cute... and he was all OURS!
Most people that I have talked with, that have a child or children with Autism, tell me that they saw a regression in milestones from their children, usually around 18 months to 2 years, and 9 times out of 10, after their child had just gotten a round of shots. Now, I am not discounting what they say by any means... however, our story is quite different. My personal beliefs about the shot theory is that... if the shots truly CAUSED Autism.. then all children who got shots would have Autism. I DO believe, however, that the shots can bring it out in those children who are predisposed to having it already, and shots can definitely make things worse. In Andrew's case, I don't believe that the shots had anything to do with it. Once he was diagnosed, I remember thinking back -- and realizing that Andrew displayed traits from very early on. He never had a regression. It was just simply a case of -- Andrew developed his milestones quite later than most.
I am also a firm believer in a Mother's Intuition... I remember asking Richard one day, (rather telling him), that I felt something was wrong with Andrew. Andrew was only (maybe) a couple of months old at the time. I didn't feel like it was life threatening, just something wasn't right, and I was worried about it.
Richard tried to console me. He hugged me tight and said, "Nothing is wrong. He is perfect in every way. You are just a nervous, first time Mom because of how hard it was to get him here. Don't worry, he is just fine!"
It did console me a bit, although I did still worry a little. For the most part, I was able to put those fears out of my head and just enjoy watching him grow and learn.
According to all the literature out there about when a baby should reach whichever milestone... Andrew was late with all of them.. but one. He was late smiling sociably, sitting up, holding his own bottle, grasping, etc. He NEVER did crawl. He would put his hands down on the floor and push up with his feet and "stand" in a tent position quite often. He pulled up on things and traveled and he did walk early. He was walking by 11 months. And then running.... EVERYWHERE! He LOVED his Saucer (for those that don't know what this is.. it is like a walker, but stationary. It had toys all around the tray part of it and the seat would spin 360 degrees). He would sit in that thing for hours... just spinning and spinning .... and spinning.
When he got old enough to "play" with toys.. he would spin those too. If we handed him a rattle.. he would spin it. If we handed him a car.. he would flip it over and spin the tires. His favorite thing at our house was the cat's food bowl. He would go in the kitchen, dump out the food and spin the bowl on the floor. He clearly didn't play with toys in the traditional way.
He was also hard to feed.. even back then. Oh, I TRIED to give him different things.. I tried every vegetable, every kind of baby cereal, I even pureed food that Rich and I were eating and tried to give him that... he wouldn't have any of it! I would put a spoonful in his mouth and every last bit got spit out every time, if he didn't gag on it first. The only thing that I could get him to eat as a baby was Oatmeal Baby Cereal with fruit and, either formula or breast milk (when I was still nursing him) mixed in it. THAT WAS IT, until he started on regular foods. He LOVED Cheerios and most other cereals that we would give him (that were safe, of course). From the time he was around 18 months until he was 5 or 6 ... This was his diet: Cereal (with no milk), grilled cheese sandwiches, spaghetti, chicken noodle soup, Ramen noodles (hard or cooked) chicken flavor only, apples, cinnamon waffles, bacon, chicken nuggets & french fries. This diet was by his choosing... I still tried to get him to eat other foods, he just wouldn't.
When Andrew was about 2 1/2 or 3 years old.. I asked his pediatrician about his odd eating habits. The doctor told me that a child that age wouldn't starve themselves, and if I wanted him to eat better then I needed to NOT give him anything (his preferred foods) except what I wanted him to have (vegetables). The doctor assured me that he would eventually eat when he became hungry enough, but that it may take a few days, so I should be patient and call after 2 days to let him know how it was going. I was to make sure he had plenty to drink during this process, so that he wouldn't dehydrate.
I went home, told Richard what the doctor had said, and we began this process. Two days later, Andrew hadn't eaten anything... I called the Dr. He said it was OK... Andrew was just a little more stubborn than most, but to keep going. He assured me again that Andrew wouldn't starve himself and would eventually eat what I put on his plate. I was, again, to call back in 2 days. Two more days gone.. and still no change. Meanwhile, Andrew would go to the refrigerator and bang on it repeatedly.. wanting his preferred foods.. which I had to refuse him if this was going to work... right?!?!? So, I call the Dr. again... AGAIN... he said to keep going... he WILL eventually eat... You are doing Great, he said (I felt miserable!).. but this WAS Dr.'s orders.. so we kept going. Long story short.. after 2 weeks of my child "not starving himself" (and Yes, this is meant sarcastically!).. I went against Dr.'s orders and FED my child what he wanted... He ate NON-STOP for 3 days straight! I WAS starving my child, under a Dr.'s care... I felt HORRIBLE .. All I could do was cry!
I tried again when Andrew was a little older, I think he was about 4, to get him to eat some veggies. I made him to eat a green bean.. the result.. He threw up ALL OVER the kitchen.. I vowed at that moment that I would not fight with him about food ANYMORE! As long as he was growing and healthy.. I wasn't going to worry so much about what he ate.. as long as he ate something.
Ok.. so I am going to end here for now I think... it is, after all, a lot of information already. I am not quite through with his early years.. so we will call this Part I.. I will (hopefully) finish up with his early years in Part II. Then we will delve into the Public school years.... Thanks for listening!
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